You cannot solve a problem while you are in the middle of feeling negative emotions. If you try to solve a problem when you are focusing on all the negative conditions, you will only exacerbate the problem. The solution will not present itself when you are in the midst of doubt, anger, criticizing, and/or complaining. The momentum is going in the opposite direction. People would rather feel a negative emotion than a neutral feeling because a negative feeling feels like you are working on the problem, you are making progress. Contemplating, complaining, criticizing – these are the emotions we are accustomed to the feeling when a problem arises. You are only fighting for your limitations.
Be aware of your conversations surrounding the problem. Are you seeking people who will play into your negative storytelling? Do you find yourself talking about all of the barriers to a solution and explaining why your situation is dire? This is limited thinking. Get to the root of the problem. Stop pointing fingers, it is usually never about the other person. It is only how you feel about yourself. Stop taking offense – stop taking it personally. The root of your problem is stemming from a place of lack.
Try soothing the negative emotions to a neutral feeling – a place of no resistance. Find the path of least resistance. There are infinite possibilities to solve a problem. You have to put yourself in a place of listening and working productively toward the solution, but this cannot be accomplished when you have resentment, worry, and anxiety. What are you feeling? Why are you feeling this emotion? Ease yourself into a better feeling place. Make a list of all the positive features of the problem. You may have to begin this process with general statements. For example, this problem is exposing me to solutions I never thought of; it is presenting obstacles for me to reach deep inside of me to learn, or there are opportunities to learn about my colleagues and how they think.
As you gain momentum in focusing on the positive features of the problem, you will organically begin to write more specific aspects: I can’t wait to meet with my team; they all have such wonderful ideas; I can’t wait to solve this problem because I know it is going to bond our team even more; I can’t wait to have uplifting conversations surrounding the problem; our team is going to learn so much because we will all listen and accept differing views.
Just writing positive statements energizes me to work well with others. Notice as I got more specific the sentence starter began with ‘I can’t wait’. By taking a moment to focus on the positive aspects can put you into a position of co-creating a solution that you may never had thought possible. How exciting!!!
Let me know how this simple strategy works for you. Again, you have sent me some wonderful thoughts and questions. Keep them coming. I appreciate your time and energy! Keep doing great work!